K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k deyince akl\u0131n\u0131za ne geliyor? San\u0131r\u0131m, \u00e7o\u011fumuz \u00f6nce ve derhal kad\u0131n-erkek k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan dem vururuz \u00d6yle ya sevgilisini, e\u015fini, moda deyimle partnerini k\u0131skanmayan var m\u0131?..Valla, e\u011fer sizin partneriniz, Ben kesinlikle k\u0131skanmamc\u0131lardansa derhal uzakla\u015f\u0131n, ya da onu \u015f\u00f6yle bir sars\u0131n, \u00e7imdikleyin de silkinip kendine gelsin Narsistli\u011fin l\u00fczumu yok\u0130nsan, de\u011fil a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131, kedisini bile k\u0131skan\u0131r (kedisi de onu k\u0131skan\u0131r); konu her ne olursa olsun ya\u015fam k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k ve rekabet \u00fcst\u00fcne kurulmu\u015ftur \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc ki\u015finin (ki\u015filerin) g\u00f6lgesi olmasa, a\u015fk hi\u00e7 a\u015fk olur muydu?.. O benim demeye bile gerek kalmazd\u0131 ki o zaman, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmesi bile pek fena\u015eimdi bana, K\u0131skan\u00e7 sen de diyorsunuz, biliyorum. Evet, k\u0131skanc\u0131m!.. Var m\u0131 ba\u015fka bir diyece\u011finiz?.. \u00dcstelik, her insan\u0131n da k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 iddia ediyorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k insani bir duygu. Freud bile, Sevdi\u011fim zaman, sevgi d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda her \u015feyi d\u0131\u015flar\u0131m, k\u0131skan\u00e7 olmak kurala uygundur, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 yads\u0131mak (kusursuz olmak) yasay\u0131 \u00e7i\u011fnemektir itiraf\u0131nda bulunmu\u015fAnlayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z, benim gibi k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nce kendisine, sonra herkese itiraf ve ilan edenlerden partnerine bile fazla- zarar gelmez (\u00fc\u00e7-be\u015f s\u0131yr\u0131kla atlat\u0131r). Ama ya, Yok can\u0131m, ne k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131, zaten benimki kafas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirip kimseye bakmaz diyenler?.. \u0130\u015fte, onlardan korkacaks\u0131n\u0131z. Hele bir kafan\u0131 \u00e7evir, bak ne oluyorcudur onlar, kafan\u0131 \u00e7evirip baksan ba\u015f\u0131na gelece\u011fi bilirsinValla, \u00e7evremde \u00e7ok var Eskiden daha \u00e7ok erkeklerin k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k krizlerine girdi\u011fini san\u0131rd\u0131m, fakat \u015fimdi g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum ki, kad\u0131nlar da bu konuda saatli bomba gibiler\u00d6rne\u011fin; k\u0131rk y\u0131l\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131, adam arkada\u015flar\u0131yla bulu\u015fup iki bira i\u00e7meye gidecek olsa, ya Ben de geliyorum yap\u0131yorlar, ya da on Dakikada bir cep Telefonundan aray\u0131p, ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 hesap soruyorlarSonra, evlenip adam\u0131 bulundu\u011fu \u00e7evreden uzakla\u015ft\u0131ranlar m\u0131 istersiniz (eee tabii tatl\u0131 dil y\u0131lan\u0131 deli\u011finden \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r), sa\u011fa bakt\u0131n su\u00e7 sola bakt\u0131n sobe diyenler mi?.. Ayr\u0131ca, b\u0131rak\u0131n adam\u0131n eski sevgililerine rastlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerde merhaba diyebilme \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc, e\u011fer kar\u015f\u0131 cinsse \u00e7ocukluk arkada\u015f\u0131yla bile g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmesini istemeyenler, ay\u0131pt\u0131r s\u00f6ylemesi izin vermeyenler varAdamlar da bir garip, yar\u0131s\u0131 k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k bahanesiyle, e\u015flerine hayat\u0131 zindan ediyor (art\u0131k neyin intikam\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131yorlarsa), \u00f6b\u00fcr yar\u0131s\u0131 da k\u0131skan\u0131lma bahanesiyle hayat\u0131n kendilerine zindan edilmesine izin veriyorlar (art\u0131k neyin bedelini \u00f6d\u00fcyorlarsa)Sonu\u00e7 ise, sen sa\u011f ben selamet olam\u0131yor tabii, \u00e7iftlerden biri mutsuzluk ya\u015f\u0131yorsa, iki ki\u015fi birden mutsuzluktan nasibini al\u0131yor, o ili\u015fki de art\u0131k s\u00fcrekli mutsuzluk \u00fcretmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yorAnlayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z, Al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f kudurmu\u015ftan beterdir s\u00f6z\u00fc mutsuzluk kavram\u0131 i\u00e7in de ge\u00e7erlili\u011fini koruyor. E\u011fer, siz mutsuz olmaya al\u0131\u015f\u0131ksan\u0131z mutsuzluk ya\u015famadan duram\u0131yorsunuz, hatta b\u00fcnyeniz mutlu olmay\u0131 bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc hazmedemiyor (Bu konuyu bir ba\u015fka yaz\u0131da ayr\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131yla tart\u0131\u015fabiliriz.)\u00dcstelik, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k hastas\u0131 bu tipler, kendileri ve partnerleri yetmiyormu\u015f gibi \u00e7evrelerini de kompleksli tav\u0131rlar\u0131yla diken \u00fcst\u00fcnde tutuyorlar \u015eahsen ben, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k duygusunu \u00f6nce kendi i\u00e7inde, sonra da ili\u015fkisinin i\u00e7inde halledememi\u015f insanlardan \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131m Hay\u0131r, b\u00f6yle \u00e7iftlerle, (yani \u00e7iftlerden birinin ya da her ikisinin birden k\u0131skan\u00e7 oldu\u011fu durumlarda) arkada\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 bile s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmeniz m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olam\u0131yor. Sizin de bir sevdi\u011finizin olmas\u0131, hatta evli barkl\u0131 olman\u0131z bile k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k tak\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131lar\u0131 ba\u011flam\u0131yor, yat\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131yorGer\u00e7ekten abartm\u0131yorum Yedi sene kadar \u00f6nceydi, \u00e7ocukluk arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131n d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcne gittim, zavall\u0131 arkada\u015f\u0131m da bir ara beni dansa kald\u0131rma gafletinde bulundu, o G\u00fcn bug\u00fcnd\u00fcr adam\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yok, onca y\u0131ll\u0131k arkada\u015fl\u0131k ask\u0131da!.. Oysa, kendisini karde\u015fim gibi severim, zaten beraber b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcz falan Arkada\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bir yana , onun hayat\u0131 ne durumda, art\u0131k siz tahmin edinSonra, bu kez \u00fcniversiteden bir ba\u015fka erkek arkada\u015f\u0131mla ayn\u0131 i\u015f yerinde \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz, ni\u015fanl\u0131s\u0131 da bizim \u015firkette \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor K\u0131z bir g\u00fcn bizi kafede \u00e7ay i\u00e7erken g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f, Vay sen benimle ni\u015fanl\u0131 oldu\u011fun halde neden hala k\u0131z arkada\u015flar\u0131nla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorsun diye k\u0131z\u0131lca k\u0131yamet kopmas\u0131n m\u0131?.. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey anlamad\u0131m, adam benim on y\u0131ll\u0131k arkada\u015f\u0131m, hay\u0131r ayarlamak istesem, onca y\u0131l bir kolay\u0131n\u0131 bulurdum herhaldeAllahtan evlenmediler de (ayr\u0131lmalar\u0131 benim y\u00fcz\u00fcmden de\u011fildi) hala arkada\u015f\u0131z, hala g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyoruzBu arada en yak\u0131n k\u0131z arkada\u015f\u0131m evlendi, kocas\u0131 k\u0131z k\u0131za bulu\u015fmam\u0131z\u0131 bile ho\u015f kar\u015f\u0131lamad\u0131, hep d\u00f6rtl\u00fc g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr olduk Bu konu aralar\u0131nda do\u011fru d\u00fcr\u00fcst konu\u015fulup tart\u0131\u015f\u0131lmad\u0131 bile, sanki do\u011fal\u0131 buymu\u015f, insanlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda e\u015fleri olmadan nefes bile almamalar\u0131ym\u0131\u015f gibiSize b\u00f6yle onlarca \u00f6rnek verebilirim D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebiliyor musunuz, insanlar sevgili ediniyor ya da evleniyor ve e\u015fleri (\u00f6zellikle de evlilik akdi s\u00f6z konusuysa) kar\u015f\u0131 cinsle arkada\u015fl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rland\u0131rmas\u0131n\u0131 hatta yok saymas\u0131n\u0131 istiyor Bu gibi durumlar\u0131 ben sadece k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k manyakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 de\u011fil, bir medeniyetsizlik g\u00f6stergesi olarak da alg\u0131l\u0131yorum Hatta insanl\u0131k d\u0131\u015f\u0131 bir tutum\u015eimdi diyeceksiniz ki, senin de bir dedi\u011fin, di\u011fer dedi\u011fini tutmuyor, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k taraftar\u0131 m\u0131s\u0131n yoksa k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131 m\u0131?..Bak\u0131n\u0131z anlatay\u0131m Ben partnerimi \u00e7ok k\u0131skan\u0131yorum!.. Hatta, ilk birlikte oldu\u011fumuz zamanlarda (g\u00fcven ili\u015fkisinin tam olu\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zamanlar) herhangi bir nedenle kavga etsek, derhal R\u00fcyamda onu bir ba\u015fkas\u0131yla g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Bilin\u00e7\u00e7alt\u0131 korkun\u00e7 de\u011fil mi?.. Yani, Sen bana k\u00f6t\u00fc davrand\u0131n, beni reddettin, beni sevmiyorsun, \u00f6yleyse ba\u015fka birini tercih edebilirsin\u0130\u015fte, r\u00fcyalar yani bilin\u00e7alt\u0131 yalan s\u00f6ylemez Kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdakini ne kadar severseniz sevin, o da sizi ne kadar severse sevsin, herkesin her g\u00fcn bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131 se\u00e7me \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc var (Zaten sevgi tek ba\u015f\u0131na hi\u00e7bir \u015feye yetmez, hele bir ili\u015fkiye asla!) Bunu kabul edin ya da etmeyin, ya\u015fam b\u00f6yle O y\u00fczden, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131ktan \u00e7atlasak da patlasak da, e\u011fer adam\u0131n ya da kad\u0131n\u0131n gidece\u011fi varsa gider Siz ise k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k krizlerinizle ancak gitmesini kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z O kadarEee, peki ne yapacaks\u0131n\u0131z?..K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k duygusunu allay\u0131p pullay\u0131p \u00f6yle sunacaks\u0131n\u0131z sevdi\u011finize K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k duygunuz onun ve ili\u015fkinizin \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc k\u0131s\u0131tlamas\u0131na neden olmayacak, tam tersi \u00f6yle g\u00fczel k\u0131skanacaks\u0131n\u0131z ki, \u00f6zg\u00fcr iradesiyle her g\u00fcn yeniden sizi se\u00e7ecek kendisine\u0130\u015fte, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k bu, \u00f6yle bir \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131da ne ya\u015fanabiliyor, ne anlat\u0131labiliyor, ne de halledilebiliyor (problem haline geldi\u011finde)En iyisi mi, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n nas\u0131l dengede tutulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 gelecek yaz\u0131da anlatay\u0131m Bu zaman zarf\u0131nda, siz de \u00f6nce taraf olun bakal\u0131m, sadece k\u0131skan\u00e7 bir a\u015f\u0131k m\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z, yoksa k\u0131skan\u00e7 bir gardiyan m\u0131.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k deyince akl\u0131n\u0131za ne geliyor? San\u0131r\u0131m, \u00e7o\u011fumuz \u00f6nce ve derhal kad\u0131n-erkek k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan dem vururuz \u00d6yle ya sevgilisini, e\u015fini, moda deyimle partnerini k\u0131skanmayan var m\u0131?..Valla, e\u011fer sizin partneriniz, Ben kesinlikle k\u0131skanmamc\u0131lardansa derhal uzakla\u015f\u0131n, ya da onu \u015f\u00f6yle bir sars\u0131n, \u00e7imdikleyin de silkinip kendine gelsin Narsistli\u011fin l\u00fczumu yok\u0130nsan, de\u011fil a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131, kedisini bile k\u0131skan\u0131r (kedisi de onu k\u0131skan\u0131r); konu her ne olursa olsun[Devam\u0131n\u0131 Oku…]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[229],"tags":[1479],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2466"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2466"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2466\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2466"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2466"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gncz.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2466"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}